Top 10 Techniques to Kill ALL Your Energy

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Too Much Energy?  Try these techniques!

After writing the Caffeine Love Story, I realized that this was only one of the many fabulous methods I used to zap all my energy.  That being said, I decided to sit down and come up with 10 fully guaranteed methods to eliminate all natural energy reserves you may currently possess.  In short, if you love sleeping, then this article is for you.

Oh!  You’re still reading!  Well, if you’ve made it this far, then you have WAY too much energy already and we need to get you down to everyone else’s level.  Here are some surefire ways to zap that energy so you can fit in with the majority of the population.

Warning: Attempting more than three methods at any one time may lead to puffy eyes, limited muscle strength, increased snoring, fleeting libido, and/or… death.

You’ve been warned.

1 – Drink those Energy Drinks!

Let’s get rid of the obvious ones first.  Sure, these may give you the side-effects of artificial and heightened energy that may last a duration of 4 or 5 hours?  Or less?  The true bliss is the fatigue, exhaustion, and dehydration that follow!  Not to mention the headaches when you quit… try it!

2 – Don’t Exercise

Let’s slow that body down!  Don’t go running, don’t lift weights, and definitely don’t try to break a sweat!  When your body is weak and unhealthy, it has a hard time naturally producing those lovely chemicals that keep you moving (and awake).  The more stationary you are, the better the results!

3 – TV or Computer Time before Bed

The light from screens confuses your brain into thinking it’s not nighttime yet.  If you want to toss and turn for hours each night, then try this method!  At least an hour or two before bed will cure your fatigue and keep those eyes open and your mind active… for best results, make sure it’s as interesting and entertaining as possible!

4 – Stop Learning

Throw that crossword puzzle and sudoko out the window.  Don’t even bother with brain games or Luminosity.  A slow mind also leads to a slow body as well!  Your brain is a muscle and when not exercised, it gets weak.  A weak mind enjoys resting as much as possible.  No more energy for this guy!

5 – Remind Yourself

Try this technique!  Every few hours, focus on HOW tired you are or should be.  Bring attention to how you didn’t get ANY sleep last night and desperately need rest.  Remind yourself constantly throughout the day and it will intensify your fatigue.  If you believe it, so will your body.

6 – Drink Lots of Beer

Alcohol is great for this!  When you drink like a fish, you may fall asleep (or pass out) more quickly because of alcohol’s sedating effect, but fortunately, it also disrupts the sequence and duration of sleep states, in short, no REM sleep for you!

Alcohol also increases the chances of snoring and/or sleep apnea, both in which may wake you up during the night.  Lastly, when the alcohol is finally processed through your system, it tends to wake you up from withdrawal, and getting back to sleep can be difficult.  Oh, and don’t forgot about 3AM bathroom visits!

7 – Be a Cookie Monster

Lots and lots of sweets!  Sugar and carbs are your best friend.  There is nothing like the aftereffect (or crash) when your body tries to rebound from the overload.  You could always drink more caffeine or eat more sugar to quickly get yourself out of the crash.  It’s a wonderful downward spiral.

8 – Work A Lot (Your boss will love you!)

Free time, down time, play time?  What’s that?  Don’t bother giving your mind and body a break – down time is for losers.  Stress is a way of life and the more you can handle, the more your boss will adore you – family and friends only you hold you back from making more money.

9 – Stay Inside (Avoid the sun at all costs)

Don’t get caught outside when the sun is out (bring your umbrella if you do!).  Sun exposure could lead to increased energy, faster metabolism, reduced stress, reduced frequency of common colds, increased sex drive, and decreased chances of seasonal depression.

And do yourself a favor and avoid acquiring that unattractive tan color that makes you look healthier and slimmer.  Eek!

10 – Don’t Eat Breakfast

Eating in the morning jumpstarts your metabolism, gives you energy, and replenishes your glucose levels – who wants THAT?!  Having a healthy nutritious breakfast is a leading cause of uplifted spirits, positive attitudes, and increased work efficiency.  All in which could be avoided, and skipping breakfast is a great place to start.

Grammatically, breakfast means to ‘break’ from your ‘fast’… so why not wait until noon to have ‘breakfast’?

~——————-~——————-~

Well, those are my Top 10, but I couldn’t stop there, so here are a few runner-ups!

Other Techniques Include (+15):

  • Push the Snooze Button Repeatedly (and then staying in bed after)
  • Sleep Too Much
  • Be a Drama Queen
  • Abuse Drugs
  • Never Put on Pants
  • Drink Very Little Water
  • Sleep with the Light On
  • Never take Vacations
  • When you eat, eat HUGE portions (of McDonalds?)
  • Be as Negative as possible.
  • Don’t take Naps.
  • Yoga, Meditation, Walking?  Forget it.
  • Have 10 Children
  • Multivitamins are for Pansies
  • Spend time with your Mother-in-Law

 

What do you think?  What zaps YOUR energy?  Can you add to the list?

This post was written by

Greg has written 69 articles on Student of Me.

Greg is the creator and primary writer for Student of Me. He probably spends way too much time on the computer writing, researching, programming, and working on his photography. He loves escaping from screen-time to travel, ride his motorcycle, experience the outdoors and spend time with loved ones. You can contact him at greg (at) studentofme.com!

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2 thoughts on “Top 10 Techniques to Kill ALL Your Energy”

  1. cepee says:

    never put on pants? ha! explanation please.

    1. Greg Yung says:

      I don’t know about you, but I don’t tend to get much done or feel very motivated to do anything when I’m not wearing pants! Don’t run errands, go to the gym… let alone get the mail! Plus, it’s super easy to hop right back into bed!

      Like I said… That one was a runner-up 😉

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